Playing Many Parts

I am Good Enough!

My childhood was filled with rejection.  I wasn’t a favorite kid on the block and I didn’t keep friends for long.  Then, when I was 11, I faced the ultimate rejection.  Not only was I completely spurned by a close friend of many years, but she in turn got most of my Jr. High classmates to dislike me too.  What can I say, kids are cruel with very little built in compassion.  Since then, I have guarded my heart and my life to keep from ever being hurt like that again.

To deal with the hurt and rejection back then, I immediately lost 20 pounds and worked on my appearance. By the time I entered High School, not only did most people like me again, but I landed a relationship with the boy everyone wanted to date.  I’m not bragging; none of that mattered.  The hurt had been done, the wounds went deep, and 30 years later I am still dealing with those scars.

I was deeply hurt again this weekend by family members and find myself reeling today, caught up in a very dark and evil place.  The adult woman knows I need to push it aside, move on and get over it.  In my head I understand that their rejection is far more about their character short comings than mine.  But, the 11 year old girl still in me is hunched over in the corner crying her eyes out and screaming “Why does no one love me?!”  I am left wondering this morning how I begin to heal this long pent up pain so I can rationally see these situations for what they are and move on in love and healing.

The first step I am taking is to remove that silly song above from my mind.  I do have people in my life who care for me as much as they are able.  It may not be perfect, but then clearly neither am I.  I choose today to reflect back on some different silly words, and realize that they are actually a far healthier personal mantra for me than the one above!  “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!”

Based on some other blogs and websites I have come across this morning, I am not the only one who suffers with such low self-esteem.  Even Seth Godin and Tim Ferriss have recently addressed this topic in their special ways.  We live in a world where bullies are everywhere and everyone seems to be their own worst critic.  Not me, not anymore.  I am going to work on this until not only do situations like this not crush me, but I am able to embrace multiple friendships and welcome people into my inner circle with ease and little care for how they will hurt me.  I am choosing to flip the switch, however I can, and choose to look for good, and love and all the positive stuff I can in others and in myself.  There is always bad, but there is always good too.  Where can I find that good?

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